Wednesday, January 18, 2006

American Idol

You know, with hardcore music gaining popularity in the mainstream these days, I'm surprised that kids from our scene haven't been popping up in the audition footage shown on American Idol.

I'm sure I'm too old (and too bald) to become a Top 40 divo like Clay Aiken, but it would be a lot of fun to just get up there and fuck with the Fox Holy Trinity anyway. The song selection for my audition would include:

"Braineaters" by the Misfits
"Stupid Jerk" by the Angry Samoans
"Crippled Children Suck" by the Meatmen

Each of these selections could be delivered effectively without a musical accompaniment, and they're short enough that I could get through the entire song without getting cut off.

But what I'd really like to see is some dude like Harley Flanagan show up on that audition stage, give his trademark "I'm crazy, evil, and loving it" face to Paula Abdul, and then watch him grab his crotch as he launches into the verbal equivalent of the bass line for "World Peace" before familiarizing the American public with some of the greatest lyrics ever written "All you hippies better start to face reality..."

Then, when Simon Cowel counters with his patented snark, Harley could lunge across the table and stab Mr. Cowel in the eye with the aids-infected needle that had been previously saved for John Joseph.

Now THAT would be a ratings bonanza! This needs to happen.

(For more evil faces by Harley, be sure to check out the video clip for "We Gotta Know" a few posts down)

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